#54 - Tango and Cash (1989)

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[00:00:55] Let me take a look at the 1989 action apparently written by an 11 year old. Tango and Cash star Sylvester

[00:01:04] Stallone and Kurt Russell as two cops who get framed for murder by Jack Palance who was a criminal

[00:01:10] mastermind with a rat fetish. With me to discuss this cinematic foobar is Dr. Anthony Ladan.

[00:01:19] Loves rats, thanks for their mice.

[00:01:27] The heart wants what the heart wants.

[00:01:31] 1989 who was Steve Osburn in 1989?

[00:01:38] He was a freshman right? Eighth grader and freshman.

[00:01:43] Eighth grader than and freshman yeah.

[00:01:46] This movie Tango and Cash came out in the summer?

[00:01:52] It's a December release. I'm trying to get that Oscar nomination.

[00:01:59] Typical Oscar bait. Amazing, amazing that it wasn't even nominated.

[00:02:05] Yeah crazy.

[00:02:07] All right so give me a sketch of the life of Steve Osburn.

[00:02:13] Eighth grade going into freshman year.

[00:02:18] Boy I do enjoy a pair of sweats not super interested in what my hair looks like.

[00:02:25] Is that why the Cubs hat was so prominent?

[00:02:29] Yeah Cubs hat was definitely a feature of I don't like hey I don't have to do anything with

[00:02:35] my hair if I wear a Cubs hat. The big question was to pull up the bangs or to let them flow out

[00:02:44] from underneath the Cubs hat. Oh is that right okay. What it was usually your choice on that?

[00:02:51] I'd let him flow but I know a lot of people would like oh you don't pull him back.

[00:02:56] See I wouldn't I never enjoyed the dent.

[00:02:59] The hat dent if you let it flow out the front.

[00:03:05] Yeah and I wouldn't even know what to do with it now. I mean because I've been

[00:03:09] shaved head for so long I wouldn't even know. It'd be great if you just had the bangs.

[00:03:14] Yeah for some reason like that's where I just went and got the Rogaine.

[00:03:19] Like even bypassed like the main part of the head just just fined where the bangs.

[00:03:24] Give me the Charlie Brown. Give me the Charlie Brown.

[00:03:28] Now I have a few vague memories of you at this stage of your life. Did you ever wear a starter

[00:03:35] jacket? Oh yeah I had a niner starter jacket like the satin style right and then it was gold

[00:03:44] and then I also had this the starter parka became very popular probably more sophomore

[00:03:51] year maybe but that's where I had. Did you ever have a bulls parka or am I making a bulls parka?

[00:03:54] Never had a bulls parka. I had a I had a niner parka and which was red and then I had the cubs parka.

[00:04:02] Okay and glasses always glasses. Yeah I remember my first day of freshman year

[00:04:11] as a Jordan fan. I liked Michael Jordan quite a bit. I remember I had had a Michael Jordan

[00:04:16] shirt. It was a red Michael Jordan shirt and I also was like oh cool I'm gonna go

[00:04:24] well these are new sweats. I'll put these sweats on and they were Chicago Bulls sweats that were

[00:04:29] also red. Now I didn't really pay much attention to the fact that I had I just like I thought of

[00:04:34] them as two individual entities. It wasn't really until I got to school and realized

[00:04:39] that I was head to toe red like an unsheathed dog erection.

[00:04:49] But at least you were wearing the blue cubs jacket. I didn't have a jacket on it was

[00:04:54] it was warm so fortunately for me and maybe you know I had to make a an alternate bad fashion

[00:05:03] choice that got me kind of teased but it was better than the alternative which I actually wore

[00:05:07] my PE shorts after like I think I got a second period like I'm just gonna wear the PE shorts

[00:05:12] broke the color up it was a necessary evil at that point. The blue and whites. Oh yeah the blue

[00:05:17] and whites. So you thought that that would be better than wearing red from head to toe. Yeah I

[00:05:24] stand by that decision. Now had the Star Wars your love of Star Wars already subsided? No I mean

[00:05:34] we're still like still geek out on that still probably watch that a bunch. Because for a lot

[00:05:39] junior high boys it was sort of like Star Wars until you discover girls and then you know you kind

[00:05:45] of let that other part of your life go. Yeah I mean I wasn't exactly discovering girls.

[00:05:54] Not charting any territory in 89.

[00:05:59] Did I mention the sweats? So did you see Tango and Cash in 89? Yeah I saw in the theater.

[00:06:10] This is absolutely I mean this is not the kind of movie that my mom would have approved of.

[00:06:18] Yeah I don't I mean I was I went to the movies a lot like summertime for sure and so this was

[00:06:22] a December release so maybe this was an Empire of Cinemas you know I remember back in the day

[00:06:29] Empire of Cinemas had like they would like the movies that are kind of on their way out

[00:06:34] and then you would get a double feature for like the same price or less than

[00:06:38] then if you were to go to UA 6 or UA 5. So getting those double features like this

[00:06:46] this feels like that might have been in that. I know I know for sure that's where I saw Big

[00:06:51] Trouble a little China back in 87. So do you tell your mother like we're gonna go see this

[00:07:00] movie but really you go see the other movie or was it like yeah she's fine with you going to see

[00:07:06] Tango and Cash. She was fine with that like sometimes she'd be the one to get us the tickets

[00:07:10] you know you needed a parent to get the tickets unless we were doing a sneak in but usually

[00:07:16] we'd sneak into another movie if we were trying to like get multiple movies for the price of one.

[00:07:22] That would happen more often than not. See for me it was always that was always the big thing

[00:07:27] because it'd be like someone like you would be talking about how great Tango and Cash was

[00:07:32] and I'd be thinking like I've gotta like come up with a scheme if I'm ever gonna see that movie

[00:07:39] like I've gotta find another movie that she would approve of

[00:07:43] and then tell my mom that that's what I was doing and then of course figure out a way to

[00:07:48] get to the other movie on time usually it would involve like you know staying over at a friend's

[00:07:54] house so there wasn't a question about like when to pick you up sometimes it was like buying a ticket

[00:08:00] to one movie and then sneaking into the other movie I did that a bit but for a lot of years

[00:08:07] there were just movies I just never saw to this day I've not seen Princess Purple Rain

[00:08:14] I just really wanted to see that movie. I still haven't. I begged to see the movie

[00:08:21] while my mom hasn't given me permission yet so that's I gotta get that never saw it and

[00:08:27] there's a little bit of me like should I because at this point it's a little bit built up for me

[00:08:35] I've never seen Purple Rain um maybe your mom can write us both a note

[00:08:42] I'll bring something home for her to sign I'll tell her yeah tell her it's something else and then

[00:08:47] I

[00:08:55] Hey listeners Aaron here if you're watching Fallout on Amazon Prime Video then we have

[00:09:00] just the podcast for you Radioactive Ramblings is joined to Lorehounds Network we are going to be

[00:09:05] breaking down the show episode by episode making far-fetched theories and dropping some tidbits

[00:09:10] of lore if you want to hear us ramble tune into radioactive ramblings linked in the show notes

[00:09:16] we hope to have you join us in the wasteland how many times do you think you've seen this movie

[00:09:25] six or seven so it's not on a regular rotation it's just like uh when what kind of mood do you

[00:09:33] have to be in to pop this well the last okay so before it had been a while since I had seen

[00:09:37] this and then I like showed up on like on max and I was home and like I haven't seen dangling

[00:09:42] cash in a while I wonder how that holds up and I was like wow I did not remember that being

[00:09:46] like that but I remember really enjoying it like even that time and I do enjoy it I think it's

[00:09:52] super fun it's just it's not um I mean it's fun for all the right and wrong reasons oh really

[00:10:00] what are what are the right reasons I mean the cool I mean there's cool action just for sure

[00:10:06] cool action right I mean just the the ridiculousness of the the escape of the the zip lining with

[00:10:14] belts um the obviously the rv and then all there's like atv chases and there's just I mean so much

[00:10:21] explosions so I mean from an action perspective like there's some fun things to look at um and then

[00:10:29] every every misfire every every poorly delivered line every every attempt at trying to make this

[00:10:36] a thing because like the there's definitely a feeling that you know they're probably thinking

[00:10:41] oh this is gonna be a like a franchise and it's just it's the it can't get out of its own way

[00:10:50] so for the first I would say I don't know 10 minutes of this movie I was just like rolling

[00:10:57] my eyes thinking oh gosh what am I in for here and then as the movie got stupider

[00:11:06] I felt like I got stupider with the movie and I was like I'm kind of into this

[00:11:18] embrace embrace your inner stupidity the assassin comes in through the mirror

[00:11:25] there's a lot of mirrors in this movie see there's a lot of parallel stuff working together

[00:11:29] it's very well crafted he comes in through the mirror just when cash is sort of

[00:11:37] you know looking in the mirror thinking I still got it right so he shoots him he flies through the

[00:11:45] glass door onto the balcony just so he can hang there long enough to put his boot gun at the

[00:11:54] right level that he can shoot back the guy the assassin sees the boot gun and immediately like

[00:12:03] jumps through a window from the second story and just starts booking it down the street

[00:12:12] did he show up to kill him or not because it feels like you showed up you shot him once

[00:12:19] but you saw the boot gun and got scared well you realize that you underestimated

[00:12:24] if this guy's got a boot gun what else does he have I guess that's it I guess like it never occurred

[00:12:32] to him that someone could have a boot gun he got spooked he got spooked all right so Steve tell

[00:12:41] me why you like the movie tango and cash uh it's it's a fun time is it I mean let's just break down

[00:12:54] some of the the key elements right I mean you have uh you have Stallone uh he's just a he's

[00:13:05] stock market obsessed straight laced cop he's straight laced but he's kind of wise cracking oh yeah

[00:13:13] wise cracking indeed and then you got no one laughs at his jokes like they're not they're not funny

[00:13:22] in movie or in real life too I think in general like I think the the person who wrote this is named

[00:13:30] Randy Feldman like there's there's a little part of me that thinks like he just hated Stallone

[00:13:38] and he thought I'm gonna give him every bad joke and he won't know that we're will all be

[00:13:44] laughing at him in the theater yeah he's always he's always cracking wise no one laughs

[00:13:51] because they're not funny you get if Kurt Russell who is like the you know he's just a mess

[00:14:00] but he for some reason has access to like James Bond level uh weaponry yeah because he's friends

[00:14:06] with Owen or does he work like what is what is Owen getting out of this relationship I would like to

[00:14:12] know we I have no idea what that relationship is I think there's a whole prequel that we need to

[00:14:15] he just shows up at Owen's warehouse there's a lot of people by the way a lot of people in

[00:14:20] Owen's warehouse and they're really cool which is giving him like like the the prototypes and

[00:14:25] the stuff that's not even beta tested yet he's basic and he uses these things like

[00:14:30] exclusively to try to save the day by the way he's basically Batman but he doesn't have any of the

[00:14:37] panache that Batman I don't know man maybe Batman's overdoing the panache what is that on top of his

[00:14:45] is that like a laser sight or would yeah it's a laser sight okay all right and uh

[00:14:53] yeah I mean you got an RV from hell you got Jack Palance

[00:15:00] so Jack loves loves rodents he loves he loves his job and this is what I love about this movie

[00:15:09] everyone in this movie what maybe with the exception of the the police chief

[00:15:14] everyone loves what they're doing every like even the prisoners

[00:15:18] all the prisoners are they just love getting up to no good

[00:15:24] the brown sugar up your ass

[00:15:28] the villains love what they're doing that the cops love being cops even the dirty cops look like

[00:15:34] they're having fun doing it i'm having a great time uh the the guy who's like into sort of faking

[00:15:41] sound like faking tapes so yeah he just loves his job he loves his equipment so much but no one loves

[00:15:48] what they no one loves their job as much as Jack Palance oh my goodness he just wicked glee emanating

[00:15:56] off this guy he's having a lot of fun and that's sort of the premise of the whole movie the

[00:16:03] the premise of this movie is that there's a an evil genius jack palance

[00:16:11] yeah with low pan who loves rodents and he could just have his dirty cop friends kill tango and

[00:16:25] but he thinks no this will be a lot more fun if i create an elaborate scheme make them rats in my maze

[00:16:35] and he's hands-on he shows up in the prison uh basement and like hiding and steam and all that

[00:16:42] good stuff hands on shows up he breaks into a prison that doesn't happen very often breaks

[00:16:47] into the prison to uh watch them kind of get electrocuted i mean it seemed like quite a bit

[00:16:54] of electrocution and i don't know how much is too much but i guess that wasn't it he also i remember

[00:17:02] going i remember the first time i was ever shocked by something right yeah like uh it was the exploratory

[00:17:09] and uh there were all these little things that like levers to switch and keys to like to make

[00:17:14] things happen and for whatever reason like i touched this one thing with the key and it gave

[00:17:17] me a pretty big shock and and that was a whole new experience for me so then later when i watch

[00:17:24] movies like lethal weapon and tango and cash where people are getting shocked like that um

[00:17:31] i just couldn't i just couldn't imagine how much of that you could take and apparently quite a bit

[00:17:39] uh hmm don't know what to say about that i i do know that jack palance is hands-on he's

[00:17:48] for sure hands-on who's the best actor in this movie in terms not not like outside of this but like

[00:17:54] in this world who who is giving the best performance in this movie i can't get enough jack palance

[00:18:01] like i wish he was in every scene i guess it's rustle because he's just doing what kurt rustle does

[00:18:09] right and i think so right i think kurt rustle to me feels like he's selling this movie like

[00:18:15] like any other movie right like he walked right out of big big trouble little china

[00:18:21] and right into this movie yeah i mean there are shades of jack burb but there's also

[00:18:25] shades like overboard kind of um yeah yeah you know i mean he's just i feel like his uh

[00:18:31] when you when you see stalone and him together the the difference in a kind of a comedy action

[00:18:38] hero versus one that is not is pretty it's it's it's pretty stark it's very clear when they're

[00:18:46] trying to go back and forth and have banter uh it's it's amazing to me that kurt rustle can

[00:18:51] continue to have kurt rustle like performance next to the very stilted stillone well we

[00:18:58] should talk about stillone's performance um this is him doing something new i suppose

[00:19:09] because of course he had done a couple rockies at this point right and then maybe rhinestone

[00:19:14] rhinestone right was that that was probably his first foray into comedy 1984 of course you know

[00:19:22] he's you know he's celebrated for rocky and rambo like he's he's a big you know one of the

[00:19:29] biggest stars in the world yeah by this time he'd done rocky rocky two rocky three first blood

[00:19:39] first you know rambo rocky four cobra over the top rambo three lock up and then tango and cash

[00:19:46] tango and cash and lock up or in the same year interesting um two films where he's in in jail

[00:19:55] so all right so he's he's doing something that's not natural to him right and it's

[00:20:02] really kind of going against what has made him a superstar yeah first buddy film he's been yeah

[00:20:09] yeah right so yeah he's he's got a and he's considerably less charismatic then and

[00:20:17] he doesn't get the girl at the end right it's his sister and he can't even keep kurt rustle from

[00:20:24] dating his sister dating in quote marks uh i'm not sure what i'm not sure what what dating looks like

[00:20:33] in this world um yeah okay kurt rustle wooing terry hatcher so uh and i think with this movie this

[00:20:44] movie had some production problems like i think there were like three different directors on this

[00:20:49] movie and stillone really wanted to have it rewritten so it wasn't a comedy it was just a straight

[00:20:56] action thriller which is crazy right because this is this has to be a comedy all right i could imagine

[00:21:03] a world where this feels more like shakedown sure right i mean i think this juxtaposed to

[00:21:11] shakedown is actually a really uh a good conversation because there's there are some

[00:21:17] some similar themes right i mean obviously they're both cops in this but i mean you've got dirty cops

[00:21:22] you've got a mulleted um you know rag tag uh police officer um who's not not always painting

[00:21:31] in the lines of of the law and uh but but you know obviously computer weller was was a

[00:21:37] lawyer but there was there's a certain similarity i guess you could say to at least the way that

[00:21:41] they present themselves the tango and cash and those those gentlemen and in terms of just how the

[00:21:47] movie goes from like okay we're doing this now oh now we're doing this like there is all that similarity

[00:21:55] because this movie sort of is all over the map right i mean i was just gonna say this movie

[00:22:01] seems like it's it's got some lethal weapon in it it's it's got a little bit of a rock

[00:22:08] in it it's definitely got some james bond in it there's a full on mad max sequence

[00:22:17] it's almost like what they did was they took all of the eighties movies that they could think of

[00:22:24] and they put it all into one movie i think i can describe tango and cash probably uh i could

[00:22:30] sum it up tango and cash feels like a sequel to a different tango and cash that was better

[00:22:35] why didn't they ever release the first tango and cash you know what i mean because like sometimes

[00:22:45] sequels are just like well they just throw the kitchen sink at it and it's like this is like

[00:22:48] well these are the like it assumes you know these guys i like to think that this is the sequel to

[00:22:53] turner and hooch but the person who came on board was like you know i've got a let's take this

[00:22:59] a different direction instead of the dog let's let's do sliced alone oh cool is he gonna be an action

[00:23:08] no he's gonna be a uh an armani with a batch is he gonna be funny nobody really thinks he's funny

[00:23:18] will there be a villain with cherubism

[00:23:29] i mean my goodness let's talk about robert zedar shall we all right so i want you to know

[00:23:35] that i thought well this this is um mask like he's wearing a mask

[00:23:42] i'm gonna look up the actor so i looked up the actor and uh no no that's that's that's what he

[00:23:49] really looks like um which you know what the heck i'm not i'm not the best looking guy in the world

[00:23:57] who might have judged his massive chin uh but then i was looking at his filmography and i was thinking

[00:24:06] oh this is interesting there's a a movie called samurai cop right but he's in and i was thinking

[00:24:14] i'm assuming the romantic lead i'm kind of curious

[00:24:19] and then i saw like him in the samurai garb and i thought oh that works for some reason

[00:24:25] this face this face was made for samurai garb

[00:24:32] no i thought it was a prosthetic i thought it was like that they the whole reason they did that is

[00:24:37] so they could do the chin joke like you broke that chin right no that's his real face

[00:24:44] and it's the loan calls him Conan there's a lot of um like self

[00:24:52] aware i wouldn't maybe not self aware but well it's weird right because it's meta there's a

[00:24:58] meta moments um that would suggest the self awareness but the movie itself feels not

[00:25:03] super self-aware yeah like Rambo's a pussy right right right it's right out the gate

[00:25:10] by the way i don't know what's what kind of salt substance is pouring out of that

[00:25:16] like gasoline truck like he shoots the gasoline truck and then salt or sand starts pointing

[00:25:26] pouring out it's cocaine it's supposed to be cocaine i thought cocaine was powder well the

[00:25:31] stuff that's coming out of that truck salt i think it sets a your expectations for the

[00:25:39] authenticity of any other scene right okay you mentioned that's guns the clue to me that

[00:25:48] i'm going to be watching the movie with uh or people get halfway electrocuted yeah and like

[00:25:57] in sequence too like not like to completion one guy goes down back up and it's like they go

[00:26:06] in and out of that like cuckoo clock uh um shall we talk about terry hatcher why not

[00:26:18] hell of a drummer i was just gonna say her drum you imagine her drumming in this it's it's almost

[00:26:26] as bad as anything else in this film i mean the idea just the idea that you're like hey

[00:26:33] we're gonna go to this exotic dance factory which by the way begins with let the day begin

[00:26:43] by the band the the call and then they the exit up a ramp on a motorcycle right and then terry

[00:26:54] hatcher uh dances her way down which i would i would describe this as like sort of like

[00:27:01] half bad ballet and just the the uh the leggings the tights were an interesting choice

[00:27:11] and then the dance culminates with her banging on these drums she doesn't have the drumsticks

[00:27:18] she's got to ask the bartender for the drumsticks she doesn't she maybe i don't know if that's part of

[00:27:26] the show or whatever like they she just never knows what's gonna be out there

[00:27:33] she just saw the drums and she decided i'm going to take up the drums now every night

[00:27:38] there's a different object with which she has to interact with it's kind of like double there

[00:27:43] she's she's absolutely never played the drums before it's it's no i think yeah well obviously

[00:27:48] she didn't bring the sticks and she's like well i guess this is what you do right you know the night

[00:27:51] before there was just like all this yarn and she had to ask for crochet hooks and she was just having

[00:27:56] to seductively dance and making a shawl she uh makes a kind of a cutesy advance on a chubby cop

[00:28:07] very effective then skits and to me like that's that's got to be improvised right

[00:28:13] that cop isn't gonna show up every night right it's probably just a different chubby guy every night

[00:28:20] this is just happened to be a cop

[00:28:25] he's and he's just smitten he's he's completely forgotten why he's there in the first place

[00:28:32] he was he was seduced by the drum plane just taken by hitsticks and then that scene leads into

[00:28:46] Kurt Russell in drag mmm it sure does that's that's his plan to get out she's like can you just

[00:28:53] slip out the back alley no they're gonna have that covered you have any other ideas

[00:28:58] and he talks to like a a male stripper says what's your size because you wanted to see if it would fit

[00:29:05] her that's the so they're going yes they're both they're both in drag basically yes she goes out

[00:29:12] and in the motorcycle helmet and so they they stop her what now why does she need to dress up

[00:29:23] like why is this key to the plan like can't she just just be yourself be a woman who rides a motorcycle

[00:29:30] i mean it's this huge misdirect right so she has the the helmet on so they all think it's an aha moment

[00:29:35] surely a woman can't drive a motorcycle unless she's dressed up like a man true and then and then the

[00:29:43] cop sees Kurt Russell and after seeing Kurt Russell the cop asks for a manage à trois right

[00:29:54] as one does when they're searching for fugitives this is this is like literally a Bugs Bunny cartoon

[00:30:03] as soon as Bugs Bunny goes into drag he can seduce anyone it doesn't even have to be the same

[00:30:10] species as by this is a very common trope i watch a lot of loveboat and uh

[00:30:16] and there's an episode of loveboat where you know i mean the loveboat is just teaming with 20-something

[00:30:23] attractive women right and but boy when as soon as John Ritter had to put on a wig and makeup

[00:30:30] captain stube and could not keep his hands off i watched this movie a lot and i enjoyed every time

[00:30:43] but i understand it less every time i watch it like i guess we have to say elevator pinch

[00:30:52] what if you made the whole movie out of deleted scenes i mean first off there's i mean there's

[00:30:59] so much here that's that i think there's it's it's i think it's an onslaught of enjoyable things

[00:31:04] that don't necessarily go together to make a cohesive story yeah when you first meet

[00:31:12] Kurt Russell you know he's you can tell like he's a little bit vain right he's looking

[00:31:18] in the mirror he likes to see his picture in the paper right yeah he's sort of like sucking

[00:31:23] in his gut a little bit it gets called out a little bit later during the naked prison scene

[00:31:29] but he's got a boot gun and a laser sight on his on his regular gun so there is a little

[00:31:36] sort of a little bit of star wars happening right but he's super racist sort of mocking

[00:31:45] newly immigrated european people

[00:31:51] he's legit dirty copying the asian fellow who's pretending not to speak english right

[00:31:59] and then in the prison he demands that he doesn't want to be killed by a limey

[00:32:06] he wants to be killed by an american

[00:32:08] he's a he's a he's a complex hero so we call him morally gray character sure

[00:32:19] i feel like they were just like like well well still alone was trying to get rewrites

[00:32:23] to make it less comedic but Russell's trying to get rewrites to make just more slurs

[00:32:33] was this before after lethaw weapon uh i pretty sure this is after because this

[00:32:40] does feel like someone saw lethaw weapon and thought let's do that

[00:32:46] but it's two years after lethaw weapon yeah so this feels like we're gonna do a lethaw weapon

[00:32:54] but we're gonna pepper in and escape from alcatraz we're gonna pepper in some mad max

[00:33:01] we're gonna pepper in i guess martial arts at the end like there's a guy who seems to be a

[00:33:07] martial arts specialist but he only kicks glass display cases like he can really kick

[00:33:17] he can really kick but it's only with that one object yeah i mean this movie even has like a

[00:33:23] last uh or the end of the dragon moment at the end with the like the mirrors the mirrors that's

[00:33:30] right yeah huh yeah i mean it definitely borrows like you said deleted scenes from all of those other

[00:33:38] movies uh i i did wish that jack palance would be in more of the movie he just looks like he's

[00:33:45] having a great time well doesn't he always i mean jack palance strikes me as someone who

[00:33:52] doesn't do a lot of script reading in advance oh really why'd you say that

[00:34:02] well like you know you know exactly what kind of uh performance you're gonna get out of him

[00:34:07] i don't know i feel like city suckers is a little bit um there's a little he's a little

[00:34:12] angsty in that movie does he come off gravelly and breathless at all i'm trying to remember

[00:34:16] i do i do believe that that's his normal voice

[00:34:23] well normals now i don't have any experience with jack palance as a younger actor like i like for me

[00:34:33] he's always been about 80 years old right uh i i feel like i i mean trying to think of the

[00:34:40] movies that i saw him in uh batman batman city slickers city stickers too

[00:34:49] this movie which i should say i thought i had seen this whole movie

[00:34:55] i must have missed a lot of the middle there's a lot in this movie that i watched this movie

[00:35:00] twice in preparation for this the second time i was like i don't remember this

[00:35:04] they were like within two days of each other i

[00:35:10] which part didn't you not remember i did not remember a lot of the um i remember the prison

[00:35:17] breakout for sure but i was like what happens after that where do they go and i couldn't like i

[00:35:20] couldn't remember very well the um the scene where he goes to talk to the fbi agent that's on

[00:35:26] the take and then that scene by the way could be some of the worst acting that's ever been in

[00:35:32] it's pretty pretty bad i mean they thought how many one-liners can we cram into this scene

[00:35:42] there and they're really bad one-liners i mean like i said

[00:35:46] it's like stalone is nothing but dad jokes all the time well and so there's something to be

[00:35:53] i think this is something we're talking about right because like one liner um

[00:35:56] um were such a big deal at this time in action movies like i mean swartz and agar obviously

[00:36:04] have just like to the point where it was expected right there were two there were two probably

[00:36:09] mean people that you would expect to hear one-liners from in the 80s and that was

[00:36:13] swartz and agar in an action movie and uh freddy kruger that was it was it was a

[00:36:26] necessary ingredient and i wonder if with the stalone like if there is that element of like

[00:36:33] okay we're trying to get him to do more comedic stuff or he's trying to if we're going to use

[00:36:37] him as comedic we know his acting limitations let's let's try to make it quips you know and

[00:36:43] say they go to swartz and agar obviously you've got uh the accent and then you've got acting

[00:36:48] limitations and so it's like just give if you just if you just throw quick one-liners

[00:36:52] quick little phrases you're not having to like do full joke set up or really like if you look at

[00:36:58] kurt russell and a lot of his humor is conversational and it's just much more natural in how he interacts

[00:37:04] with other people and and how he can deliver those types of scenes you know while having action

[00:37:10] going on whereas stalone needs to to pause and deliver a very specific line well the other

[00:37:17] thing is that with those movies maybe two or three one-liners you know it's mostly action

[00:37:24] you want to establish the person's a badass you want people to release a certain amount of emotion

[00:37:30] after the action's over so the joke is the release valve right the action almost um

[00:37:38] saves you from the one-liners maybe the act maybe it's just like there's so much packed in

[00:37:44] this movie like we haven't even talked about the slinky attack it's right there's so much packed in

[00:37:52] this movie and you go from one one action sequence to the next it's like no this guy's gonna weaponize

[00:37:58] getting scenes this guy's gonna weaponize a slinky never been done in a movie before

[00:38:04] which by the way the prison is sort of um it's a secret prison and nothing beats a

[00:38:12] big old industrial fan right all right so initially jack pillance uh pulls out a rat

[00:38:23] out of a little box right i thought i thought he's gonna kill it or something like this guy's a bad

[00:38:33] guy no he just likes to have these things around oh god ray tango how he loves to dance he waltzes in

[00:38:44] and takes all my drugs and then tango's back out again well i've had enough of this too much television

[00:38:56] can hurt your eyes now now do you understand why we mustn't kill them no mr. peret i do not

[00:39:06] understand it would be much quicker and easier quicker and easier yes quicker easy is how you

[00:39:19] make a cake or clean a toilet bowl or shop by mail but quick and easy is not how you run a

[00:39:27] multi-million dollar business such as ours now mr. quadd on the east side that's your city gave me a

[00:39:39] cash has cost me more than 60 million dollars that includes guns and drugs and various other

[00:39:47] enterprises on the west side mr. Lopez ray tango has cost me even more too little nice

[00:40:02] and so much damage but he calls him mice right does he not know like is it like no this guy's got

[00:40:10] so much power don't correct him just say yes to everything i mean he's well i'm in the keep in

[00:40:17] mind i mean people are snort and salt apparently this is a different world then he has an entire maze

[00:40:25] like in his his evil layer all for an object lesson for like a two-minute conversation

[00:40:32] hey he's been planning this for some time he's like i don't think they're gonna understand unless

[00:40:38] they see it visually my trusted companion low pan is a visual learner why does he need to explain it

[00:40:47] to these guys and he really does not he's in his mind this is such a complicated plan that it needs

[00:40:55] visual aids and the visual aid doesn't really tell you i mean the visual aid doesn't have them in

[00:41:02] like you know tank tops getting electrocuted these little he doesn't need he doesn't need his rat

[00:41:07] rat mice you just need to say here's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna frame them for murder they're

[00:41:12] gonna go to jail and then we'll probably kill him could you explain this with rodents

[00:41:20] i like that low pan says well they're only going away for 18 months what are we gonna do after that

[00:41:25] then he says use your imagination like why'd you bring the rats

[00:41:32] he's clearly put a lot of thought into the visual illustration and not into the plan itself

[00:41:43] and so i wonder like but did he did he already love these rats

[00:41:46] and he was gonna get him a maze anyway because he loves these rats and he wanted to have it built

[00:41:50] but he was just like oh this feels a little too self-indulgent i like that there's a scene

[00:41:54] a little bit later where he has the rats again and he's just like kissing them

[00:42:00] that's yeah that's he's sitting in front of his own security cameras like he's he's sitting in front

[00:42:06] of the monitors right he's not having someone else do that for him again very hands on this guy

[00:42:13] he's cheering he's really enjoying the mad max situation right outside his walls

[00:42:21] and he's got his little rats that keep him company and he just dots on them

[00:42:26] yeah what is this lair it's an abandoned airstrip all the while herald faultamire music is playing

[00:42:34] gorgeously throughout this entire film and uh just giving you all those shades of axel f and

[00:42:40] and top gun all that good stuff um you've got you've got the rv from hell which is an amazing

[00:42:47] like it doesn't make sense that that part is of this is you know the movie that you're starting

[00:42:51] with which already is like a little out there but i mean you don't see that and ending action

[00:42:58] sequence coming there's scenes where there's uh uh you know bad cop worse cop with a grenade

[00:43:05] can i talk to you for a minute not now i'm busy just just a second please seriously i mean

[00:43:14] you're getting a little radical here aren't you what's radical blowing a man's head off with a

[00:43:18] fucking hand grenade is a touch much don't you think you got your way i got mine you know i'm kind of

[00:43:23] glad you didn't want to talk about king you know that let me just shoot him in the goddamn leg he'll

[00:43:27] talk i don't want the leg i want the whole package maybe he doesn't know anything okay i don't

[00:43:32] really care what the fuck is this your cock like i was a cop but because of this dirt bag

[00:43:37] and his friends we're on the run no it's payback that's not i mean it who's this man i heard about you

[00:43:45] did you heard you were a fucking section eight i didn't believe all that weird sadistic bullshit i

[00:43:50] heard you po but you are man you're for real if you don't want to get sticky get back jack

[00:43:58] done done done done done you got it sicko you blew it big time pal this asshole is out of control

[00:44:05] i can't stop it but i'm not going down for this tango i mean it you're on your own i'm out of here

[00:44:10] don't forget the right you are my vote for the psycho hall of fame asshole you got it

[00:44:16] really do look like shit in a ponytail no i'm sorry bye bye baby

[00:44:28] beret the gizmy was peret he's peret who the hell is peret the block with me in prison he's

[00:44:33] a governor yeah where's he now where's the governor that does it right go afield i think he's telling

[00:44:37] the truth i don't know but it's not raining and he's standing in a puddle just another tremendously

[00:44:42] acted scene is there a trope a cliche or a device you liked in this movie well i am a sucker for

[00:44:52] the aphor mentioned industrial fan needs to be stopped so that you can get through it and then

[00:44:57] it will just be spinning apparently fast enough to get every bullet bounced off it

[00:45:03] is this is this a something that's either stolen or an homage to indiana jones perhaps but i mean

[00:45:12] there's also because you see this in diehard too right you know i mean there this this you see you

[00:45:18] see the nothing nothing quite gives this a scene like menacing gravitas like the shadowy fan

[00:45:29] and the threat of getting chopped up even if it's like clearly i mean to get chopped up by that fan

[00:45:34] would be completely irresponsible on your part well then you what you've done is you've

[00:45:40] effectively put a water slide right next to the fan and you're gonna slide yourself right

[00:45:48] into the fan unless you can use your boot to stop to stop yourself at the base which just doesn't seem

[00:45:57] very hard right a lot of drama you know he's gonna slide about five feet yeah then you there was also

[00:46:07] don't forget um there was a fight with a grappling hook so if you're talking about 1989 me and you're

[00:46:13] gonna tell me that there is a an rv from hell there is a grappling hook at all um there's electrocution

[00:46:21] scenes um there is a sexy drummer weaponized slinky in a jail cell totally i mean this is

[00:46:31] it's almost perfect right it's got every ingredient that i would want it's like it's like going to

[00:46:36] like a sugar cereal buffet i mean like it's none of like the order in which i'm gonna eat it

[00:46:40] makes no sense i probably shouldn't eat any of it but i'm gonna get it all you know what i was kind

[00:46:46] of making fun of this laser sight on his gun earlier why doesn't every gun have a laser sight on it

[00:46:55] like we have great question we have this technology like why doesn't every single gun have a laser

[00:47:01] sight on it i guess you can see the laser is it not manly like i don't know like i have a laser

[00:47:11] pointer it's pretty effective i mean not it wouldn't be effective for like super long distances like a

[00:47:18] you know like a sniper or something is it not manly enough like to have a laser pointer i remember

[00:47:26] the first time i saw a laser it was like oh well this is this was game changer yeah this is every

[00:47:32] every single person is going to have perfect aim now no no we we we just choose not to use that

[00:47:39] technology now if you had a grappling hook with the laser

[00:47:47] the grappling hook i like a villain who can use a grappling hook

[00:47:53] i like how he just had it like i kind of feel like if you're i mean i understand like this is a

[00:48:00] prison run by you know dirty cops and so all these guys are kind of free to roam about but it's like

[00:48:06] it's like you could have gotten a gun right i mean couldn't you give him a gun but like look

[00:48:11] here's the thing we'll give you a grappling hook you know we're not uh my my uh trope is uh

[00:48:17] i like the one british villain you know and otherwise american crime scene

[00:48:26] you have that one guy with the just just an evil accent and uh you know he's kind of out of place

[00:48:36] but usually he's like a specialist maybe he's a little bit crazy this guy's a lot crazy

[00:48:43] pretty decent with the grappling hook you know like when does he get to practice

[00:48:50] yeah i mean it's like you don't just get out of bed and know how to grapple like at the at the gun

[00:48:56] range do you think that there is a grappling hook room yeah there's a grappling center

[00:49:03] no no no i just want to use the the grappling center today

[00:49:10] yeah you have all these you know just mannequins and you're just getting your grapple on

[00:49:15] i'd be nervous to to use a grappling hook do you like the idea of a boot gun it seems impractical

[00:49:23] i like any i like any kind of weaponry that can be incorporated into footwear

[00:49:32] like a little knife coming out of the dark the dark knight joker had the knife coming out of the

[00:49:37] the boot i think it went like a man of action has a fake leg but the leg itself is the weapon

[00:49:48] and this movie you had a fake dog yeah sure did it was it was like a stuff i don't know if it's

[00:49:57] supposed to look like a real dog because it's basically just a stuffed animal it was a stuffed

[00:50:02] doberman that explodes i think that that one's not quite perfected yet

[00:50:09] it's nothing that's the thing about the tone of this movie shifts all the time like i've never

[00:50:14] like am i ever supposed to feel tense right like am i ever truly supposed to feel that there is

[00:50:20] like impending peril because there's so much wisecracking and the music can be so whimsical

[00:50:25] at times well and the heroes never feel like they're really in pair i mean i guess when they

[00:50:29] never feel a yeah but even then they were like still like kind of silly

[00:50:36] and they get over it really quick this movie is very silly

[00:50:40] otherwise why choose jack pylons right no the movie the movie is is silly i mean that's that's

[00:50:47] it's kind of its whole thing like more than anything else and so i think maybe that's part

[00:50:52] like because lethal weapon is a very effectively humorous but also carefully done police drama right

[00:51:01] like that's there's a police problem and there's a story and a plot well everyone around mel Gibson

[00:51:08] like like seems to be like they seem to take their job seriously mel give it's like what if you

[00:51:16] had one guy who was just kind of wacky right every but everyone in this movie is wacky yeah

[00:51:24] everybody is like build this entire movie around mel Gibson wacky but yeah but even mel Gibson and

[00:51:30] lethal weapon is troubled and suicidal and and even so much so that that cash is absolutely racist

[00:51:40] it's all an homage to mel Gibson taking all the all the elements of mel Gibson except for the drama

[00:51:51] the other trope that i i love is um there's like a standoff at the end you know you've got the

[00:51:57] the pretty girl who's gonna get she's got a grenade wrapped around her neck i guess

[00:52:04] but you're threatening them with a the knife right so it's it's not enough that the

[00:52:09] grenade could be wrapped around her neck it's like a straight edge it's like an old barber's

[00:52:15] straight edge i guess but you need a final fight scene so everyone just decides to drop their guns

[00:52:25] to go fistfight each other right and then i like a little hall of mirrors you know at the end

[00:52:32] at some point at some point this is this is my failsafe

[00:52:37] if i get cornered i better be getting cornered in my mirror room that will that will throw them off

[00:52:44] for sure sorry you were gonna say oh i'm also a sucker for the any scene where a cop taste cocaine

[00:52:52] to prove it's cocaine except for it's it's rather salty because it's actually salt

[00:53:00] i like it when he's um uh criticizing the dirty cops eating habits when he throws a spaghetti on

[00:53:11] the floor he's not watching his calories yeah that's that that's a priority at that moment

[00:53:22] is there a tweak that you would make to this film to improve it

[00:53:26] um i would maybe a couple of scenes that um link other scenes together

[00:53:36] why is kurt russell's hair that way why is it that way yeah why is it that way

[00:53:46] because it can't it doesn't really ever like he's uses a lot of hairspray it seems to me

[00:53:53] yeah he's he looks like lion oh the car he is the exact he has the exact same haircut as he did in

[00:54:01] big trouble and not not even a hair of it has moved yeah it's pretty impressive he can be electrocuted

[00:54:11] he can i mean anything could happen to this guy he gets crazy wet and then he shows back up and

[00:54:16] it's back it's just back the hair is just perfect all the time and i'm sorry to bring this up again

[00:54:24] what is his relationship with owin again like i i want it's complicated he this guy exists only

[00:54:31] to create weapon prototypes for him but he's not like a millionaire that he can pay owin

[00:54:39] and he's not working uh in like is he work for the police i don't think so i mean i think maybe

[00:54:46] he's just like a high school buddy maybe i don't i don't know what owin's getting out of this

[00:54:51] relationship at all no i don't know either um but all of the stuff is getting ruined

[00:54:58] i mean maybe maybe i'm under i'm overthinking this so if your owin and kurt russell

[00:55:06] wants to be your buddy i mean don't you just let kurt russell do whatever he wants i guess so i mean

[00:55:13] i mean that guy's got amazing chrisma it's an interesting dynamic that the the kind of the

[00:55:19] more disheveled cop right the you have you have the very well put together stalone it would almost

[00:55:25] make more sense that he would have access to because he's he's doing stock trades and what

[00:55:29] not you could imagine him sort of being a day trader on the side right right but it's kurt russell

[00:55:37] with a very inexplicable relationship to high-end weaponry here's the thing about stillone like

[00:55:44] you know kurt russell has all the charisma still still has zero charisma in this movie

[00:55:50] right negative howard energy he's giving up but i know that he can like he's he's

[00:55:57] legitimately funny and rocky right like he's got a charming personality so we know he can do that

[00:56:04] yeah i think the character has to have a certain element of brain damage for him to be charming

[00:56:09] it's a he's he's trying he's trying to come off as smarter than he is

[00:56:15] and uh it's not working all right uh steve is this uh movie better worse or on par with their

[00:56:24] ron howard film in in terms of you know we talk about like howard does he under uh does he get

[00:56:31] less or more out of like big star you know studied cast and this is just a lot of there's a lot of

[00:56:38] heavy hitters in this film plot wise i think howard would put a little more effort but there is

[00:56:43] so i think i feel like performance wise that that's properly howard but maybe it's a howard

[00:56:49] minus two for the cohesive narrative okay i'm gonna say that uh everything that you just said about

[00:57:00] like ron howard's ability to get performances out of actors

[00:57:08] that this movie has none of that and the only reason that it works at all is because

[00:57:16] Kurt Russell is just doing what he does naturally um the writing is horrible

[00:57:25] the writing is just god awful but the the writing in this film is as bad as terry hatcher's drum

[00:57:33] playing the performance by stillone is one of the worst i've ever seen in any movie

[00:57:51] from a look of your diet it's obvious you're not too interested in counting calories

[00:57:55] could it be that you're just too busy counting the money they paid you to set us up and i just

[00:58:00] watched mickey and nicky i felt like i was being hung from a chain and my toes were being dipped into

[00:58:12] electrocharged water so you didn't you didn't like it i watched it on tubie i was grateful i

[00:58:21] kept on waiting for the commercial breaks the commercial breaks actually improved my enjoyment

[00:58:33] of this film wow uh but i will say that i do enjoy jack polans with a couple rats that he's just

[00:58:44] doting over i like to see jack polans with the with animals

[00:58:52] that's that's a that's a wonderful uh statement out of context

[00:58:58] so this is uh this is a howard probably minus eight wow that might be as low as we've gone i

[00:59:05] might have given teen wolf two a howard minus eight this is more enjoyable than teen wolf two i will

[00:59:12] stand by that teen wolf two offended me is there a half the battle when the groan moment in this

[00:59:24] movie oh i mean don't don't kiss the rat he thinks it's a mouse that's that's that was that's

[00:59:35] all right for him he loves them he loves them he'll hold them up to his face

[00:59:43] we'll push he'll they'll take both rats and push them together and motorboat the rats

[01:01:16] hey listeners if you've been listening to our show chances are you've heard the wonderful

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