Introducing Bacon Wrap

[00:00:19] Hello Properly Howard fans, welcome back. Calling this the Bacon Wrap season. The films we're covering are wrapped on either end with a Kevin Bacon movie. I am really excited for the films that Steve and I selected this go-around. A lot of my favorite films selected in this draft. Hey, be sure to check out everything that's happening with the Lorehounds. John and Alicia are covering Murderbot, one of my favorites.

[00:00:46] Don't miss their coverage of Superman and Fantastic Four, or if you're a sci-fi fan, Foundation. Can't wait for that to come back. Alien Earth and the Peacemaker. And that's just a taste of what the Lorehounds are doing. Check out thelorehounds.com or search for the Lorehounds wherever you search for podcasts. Alright, without further ado, here is comic Steve Osborne and I drafting for our Bacon Wrap season.

[00:01:15] I've used my preparation for this to procrastinate from actually writing a book I have under contract. Yeah, but I mean, the money from this podcast. Hey, I'm glad you mentioned that because I almost forgot. We've got a new Apple's iTunes review. In previous podcasts, we've promised to read on this podcast.

[00:01:42] This is called, This Podcast is Properly Entertaining. Nate's Great. Steve and Anthony are great. They're very funny and have great discussion on selected films. I would have to say that this podcast is properly Havard plus 12. Whoa. That's a high number. Okay, now here's my question to you, Steve. No.

[00:02:06] Nate's Great spells his name G-R-A-T-E. Ah, so he has something he can see through but you can't reach him. Yeah. He's like, what's the clown from It? What's the name of that name? He's kind of Pennywise. Now, I know it's not a misspelling of the word great because he uses great twice in his review.

[00:02:35] So he clearly knows how to spell great as a synonym to magnificent. It reminds me of that. That was the old proverb. They will know me by my great. I thought that he was just a really, maybe a possessive cheese lover. Like, I sort of constructed a whole narrative for Nate in my mind.

[00:03:02] Like, he's got a cheese grater that his family keeps misplacing. So what he's done is he's created a label for the cheese grater. And on the label, it just, it says Nate's great. Any chance that it's like Natas Grata? And we're just. Oh, sure. Yeah. He's Slovenian. Yeah. That's a huge demo for us. We're huge in Slovenian. These boys, they're properly powered. That's what they like.

[00:03:32] I have no idea if that's a Slovene. No, you nailed it. You nailed it. All right. So I've created a spreadsheet for this. How did you prepare? So, you know, and I'm coming in a little cocky. I'm coming in very insecure. So this is good. This is good. I was about to go through the whole spreadsheet process. I'm like, you know what? I've got this filmography here.

[00:03:59] And I just, I feel like, I feel like you can over prep for this. You think that your knowledge of bacon era movies. But that's it. See, that's the problem. It has nothing to do with bacon era movies. Because we only are getting two bacon movies. Parenthetical Bacons. And then the rest is, the rest is like, is this organic outflow that eventually we will have to engineer our way back to bacon. So there is no era, right?

[00:04:28] I mean, this is all over the map, baby. We have the entire cinematic universe at our disposal. So I thought to try to beautiful mind this thing would be falling. That's a good point. I do have a couple questions related to that comment that you just made. The first is, when I created my spreadsheet, it was titled Cocoons of Bacon. Ooh, I like that.

[00:04:53] But then I thought, because of the nature of the exercise, where we're trying to begin with a bacon movie and end with a bacon movie and then connect the movies in between, maybe the right title for this season is Bacon Rap. Ooh, I like Bacon Rap. It's good, too. Yeah, better than Seven Minutes and Kevin.

[00:05:23] So I'm going to go ahead and read the rules that you sent me. Now, this is interesting. This is an interesting swap for us because usually I come up with a bunch of convoluted rules. And which is what but I think this demonstrates something, right? So I come up with the convoluted rules. And so you are now insecure and jumping in. You like to be you like to be in charge. But I complicate these rules until I don't feel in control anymore. Ah, yes.

[00:05:54] But the reason why this is a flip is because... But you're always topping from the bottom. Yeah, that's true. I do. I have in from the Kevin. It's an interesting swap for us because these rules are pretty simple. It could be that this is sort of too simple for us. But I think that the exercise itself becomes very, very complicated in the middle. Well, and I think that's the key.

[00:06:23] I think the execution will complicate the simplicity of the ask. So this is the text you sent me. Proposed rules for bacon season, which we're calling bacon wrap now. We each pick a bacon movie. Flip a coin to see which movie is the first of the season and which is the last. So we're guaranteed at least two bacon movies. Yes. And I think exclusively two bacon movies. I don't think so.

[00:06:51] Well, we'll get back to that. Let me finish reading your rules. Okay. Okay. Now you're trying to complicate the simplicity. Yeah, of course I am. Do you know me at all? Whoever gets the first movie, the other person has to pick a movie starring someone from the first movie. So, for instance, if you picked Tremors, then I've got to choose a movie with an actor who's not bacon in Tremors for my next movie.

[00:07:21] Yeah, so you're like, you know, knowing you, you would probably go The Adventures of Remo Williams because of Fred Ward. And you like it when Fred Ward plays an Asian character. Oh, well, yeah, that's right up my alley. Next pick is a movie starring someone from the movie just picked. Repeat with the intent of having eight drafted movies between our bacons.

[00:07:44] But the last movie drafted has to have an actor in it that is also in the last bacon movie to complete the journey. Okay? So that makes sense. What I suggested to you, to complicate matters, maybe we do an indeterminate number of movies this season. Whatever it takes. So what I suggested was we have a minimum of eight movies.

[00:08:12] So two bacon movies and a minimum of six in between. But if it takes us 20 movies to get back to our second selected bacon movie, so be it. Right. It takes the pressure off somewhat. It does take the pressure off somewhat.

[00:08:31] But in terms of trying to complete the exercise, I have absolute confidence that if we have been given infinite movies from which to choose from, we will get back to the one we're trying to. Of course, one of my motives is, you know, I do like shorter seasons. Yes, you like to work less. So therefore, your motivation is to try to get to that second bacon as quickly as possible. However, that would mean a maximum for you is six. It's more than that.

[00:09:00] I mean, of course, I do want to do less work. But also, I feel like the closer we get to infinite movies, the greater the likelihood that I have to rewatch radio. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think for sure that's – I mean, that's certainly a possibility. Okay, I have a question about – This whole thing, this whole podcast is like you edging towards radio, right?

[00:09:28] Like you're just – you're trying to get as close as possible without going over it. Okay, I have a question about the bridge actors, right? The only movies available to us are movies that feature an actor that's in the previous movie selected, right? Correct. You can do whatever you want.

[00:09:50] I mean, with your end goal is to get to bacon, but it's not like you can necessarily know that on movie three what those next steps are because you're out of control. You don't control what the next step is. Okay. All right. In so much as you control the cast list. All right. Let's say you begin with Tremors, okay? And then I select a Fred Ward movie. What if that other Fred Ward movie –

[00:10:19] Would it be Big Business? That would be an option. Does that have Lily Tomlin and – And Bette Midler. And Bette Midler. Let's say that next movie also has bacon in it. I think that bacon is fair game. As long as – but it doesn't end it because it's not getting us – Cannot end it.

[00:10:43] But if we took the third movie or the fifth movie or whatever, if we want to use bacon as a bridge actor from one movie to the next, I think that's fair game. I think you're – I think you're crazy. Well, it is a movie – So you're saying bacon-wrapped bacon? Well, yes. That's right. It's bacon-wrapped bacon. And I would say this.

[00:11:07] With a season that is named for bacon, I think if we can get in a little bit more bacon in the middle, we should try to do that. There's no harm. Oh, so you're actually making it a goal. I think it would be kind of cool. I don't know if it's a goal. I just think it's kind of cool to – you know, our pretty good film season, we were kind of disappointed that we didn't select a bacon, another bacon movie.

[00:11:35] We were guaranteed two bacons, but you're saying like we could go bacon-palooza. We could. Just keep doing bacon movies and go, hey, guess what? Bacon was also in that bacon movie. And we were just bacon our way through bacon. So how do you feel about that? I would like to put a – I think there should be a – we shouldn't be able to have infinite bacons. I feel like – Because we'll die?

[00:12:04] Yeah. Well, because bacon then begets bacon, right? So you could go, oh, okay, well, here's a bacon movie. And then now we'll do the last movie is bacon. And so bacon went to bacon, went to bacon. One of the lesser-known sayings of the Buddha, bacon begets bacon. Here's what I'm going to say. Okay, you are allowed one bacon movie beyond your bacon choice. Our parenthetical bacons are set. We are each allowed one bacon movie, but bacon can't be the actor we choose.

[00:12:34] Oh. So basically what that means is you can't bacon to bacon. You can't be like, okay, cool. I'll take this movie at number seven that stars Kevin Bacon. And then I'll just use bacon as my connection because we're not trying to connect bacon to himself. Let me try to simplify this rule and tell me if this works. We can't use the same bridge actor twice in a row. Great. Does that solve it for you? And how about – yes, yes.

[00:13:01] And how about you can – I don't think we should ever duplicate – bridge actors can show up, but we can't choose them. Like if there's multiple Fred Ward movies, Fred Ward could only be the bridge actor once. Yeah. Once we've gone over the bridge, we burn the bridge. Yeah. Yeah. It's a classic tale of incidental Fred Wards. We are allowed as many Fred Wards as possible as long as we are not – as long as he's not the name we say. All right.

[00:13:30] I wish – I'm sad that we can't do Hero at Large again, though. I mean, can we? I think we can review it again with fresh eyes. I'm trying – when I did my big board – I think our fans want to rewatch Hero at Large. When I did my big board, I tried to avoid movies that we've done before, and I've tried to avoid Ron Howard movies. Yes, and I think that's an important factor, right?

[00:13:59] No Ron Howards because we're – properly Howard will, you know, again, talk about edging. One of the distinctive features of this podcast is that eventually we're going to measure the film against a Ron Howard-directed movie. Yeah. Once we measure Ron Howard against himself, the universe collapses. All right. Do you have a coin? Because I don't have a coin.

[00:14:29] Yeah. Actually, I'm looking at a pile of coins to my left, as a matter of fact. So I think we should do – we should figure out who's going to select their bacon movie first, right? So we each – so yeah, to be clear for the audience, we're going to flip a coin to see who gets the first pick of the bacon film. We each are picking one. And then we will want to flip again for who goes first, who goes last? Yes. Okay.

[00:14:58] I will assign right now, you are heads and I am tails. Mm-hmm. You are heads and I am tails. Whichever one shows up first gets the first pick of the bacon. Okay. All right? And then the second person will pick theirs. And then we'll flip again, and whatever one gets first gets to choose if they want to go first or last, if they want their movie first or last. Yep. Does that make sense? Mm-hmm. Okay.

[00:15:25] For the listeners at home, Anthony is heads and I am tails. I am using a very worn 1996 order. 96, which means it's classic back. It's an eagle. No state. Nothing fancy. And we are separated by many, many miles, so I am on trust. On trust. I mean, we could FaceTime this, but it's a lot of – I'm willing to trust you.

[00:15:55] All right. I am going to flip it to the floor. Is that all right? Mm-hmm. All right. Let's see if I can – It is falling. It is heads. You have first pick of the bacon film. If I have first pick, I'm going to select She's Having a Baby. What? Okay. I had a list of ones that I figured you were going to take. She's Having a Baby didn't even make the list.

[00:16:24] I'll tell you why I'm choosing She's Having a Baby. I thought it would be good to choose a movie wherein Bacon is a lead. I feel like – Okay. There's a lot of really great Bacon movies where he's a character actor or he's a villain. And these are not bad movies, but I feel like if we're here to honor Bacon, it ought to be a movie where he's the lead.

[00:16:51] And I've never seen this movie. And so I'm looking forward to watching this movie. You know, I've seen a lot of other John Hughes movies. I generally like his movies. And I feel – this feels like a bit of a blind spot in my filmography. Interesting. Also, I do think that this – that movie provides a few interesting bridge actors. Yeah, I would agree. I would agree.

[00:17:23] So what that means is that I get the second pick. Mm-hmm. All right. So to be clear, I don't know if that was clear to our audience, but whoever goes first, obviously the other person goes. Actually, this is a snake draft, so I go twice. Yeah. Nice. All right. I'm going to – I had an idea. I had a movie picked. But – I'm very nervous right now. I want you to know.

[00:17:52] Well, you're – Because I've got movies that I think that you're going to pick. And I've gamed out every movie with sort of like a branching actor tree up until about four spaces out. But if you choose a movie that's not even on my big board, then all of my research goes to naught. And your statement that, hey, this is a Kevin Bacon season, so therefore we should be like – so we didn't have enough bacon and a few good films, so therefore we should really be highlighting Bacon.

[00:18:21] Because I had him in an uncredited cameo movie to show why Kevin Bacon has this degree concept. It's because he's not afraid to do that uncredited cameo. Yeah, we're not rewatching Hero at Large. But – and one of the reasons – I've never seen the movie. I was always kind of interested in it.

[00:18:51] And one of the reviews referred to Kevin Bacon's cameo as – let's see where he hears it. High praise for the lead actor's portrayal and the director's work, but found the appearance by Kevin Bacon ludicrous. And so the very fact that he was singled out as an appearance seemed interesting. Does this make you more interested or less interested in me picking this movie?

[00:19:17] I would give almost anything for you not to pick whatever movie you've got in mind. Do you want my son? I'll give you my son. All right, fine. We'll do Flatliners. Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much. All right, now. Do you want to know what movie I was – I think everyone wants to know now. The movie Novocaine, starring Steve Martin.

[00:19:49] Dr. Frank Sangster is a dentist with a fairly pleasant but rather innocuous, ordinary, uneventful life. His life takes an interesting turn when a beautiful and seductive new patient, Susan Ivey, comes to him seeking a root canal and a little pain relief. You know, that doesn't sound so bad, but it would completely ruin all the research I did. Oh, I see. Flatliners. Flatliners is absolutely on my big board.

[00:20:14] This one actually has a lot of options in terms of bridge actors that are more interesting, I think, than Flatliners. But whatever. You probably saw Flatliners. I would guess it was probably your one or two, probably, for a pick for me. No. It was in the top five. Tremors, number one? I thought, number one, it was Footloose. Oh, we haven't done Footloose? We have not done Footloose. I figured you were going to choose – because we have history with Footloose. For sure. I thought you were going to do Footloose, number one.

[00:20:44] I thought, that's too obvious. He's going to – you know what? He's going to go Tremors. I know he's going to go Tremors. Tremors was very close. Yeah. So, I thought that was number two. I did have Flatliners as a possibility. So, I'm happy with this. I – yeah. So, I – so, Novocaine was like sort of this dark horse, right? Planes, Trains, and Automobiles as well. Tremors was one that I really – I do enjoy.

[00:21:13] And then also JFK. Yeah. I thought for sure you were going to go Diner. I do have a Diner contingency. We'll see if we get there. But, all right. I think that now that we've got our bookends, we should now figure out which of these movies is first and which is last. Ah, yes. Here we go. So, I'm going to flip. Again, You Were Heads and I Am Tails.

[00:21:41] And then whoever is the coin blesses gets to pick if they want to have their movie first or their movie second. Yeah. Heads again. So, that's me. That's you. I'm so happy about this. So, I'll choose to have my movie go first. Okay. And so, that puts you on the clock, sir. All right. For She's Having a Baby. Wonderful cast. Look at this cast, right?

[00:22:11] Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I know exactly where we're going to go. I just want to let the listeners know that we're going to have to be doing research in real time here. You're going to hear a lot of typing on my end. All right. All right. So, our second movie is going to be Big Trouble in Little China. That was one idea, one guess that I had. For this one?

[00:22:39] For this one because I think that your bridge actor is Victor Wong? Al Young. Al Young. Oh. Is Victor Wong in this as well? No, he was in Tremors. Sorry. Yes, yes. So, just to be clear, yes. There was going to be a Big Trouble in Little China and Tremors was a way to get in there. But, again, of all the ones I could have picked, I've left a lot of amazing actors from this movie not used.

[00:23:09] Like, you know, Candy, Ally Sheedy, Bill Murray, Aykroyd, even Roy Orbison, if there was another Roy Orbison movie. Michael Keaton, of course. And I went with the heralded Al Young from Big Trouble in Little China. Big Trouble in Little China, which is 1986, a movie that you've seen how many times, Steve? Countless. Let's not even try. Over 30?

[00:23:38] Maybe. Maybe. I think it could be. How many times have you seen Big Trouble in Little China? Probably twice. This is great. You know, I think the first time I saw it, it was sort of like a Saturday afternoon. And I remember thinking, like, this is unlike anything I've ever seen. And I remember being pretty impressed by it and then, like, re-watching it as, you know, maybe a man in my 30s.

[00:24:09] So it's been a while. Well, I'm going to choose Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Excellent. By Quentin Tarantino using Kurt Russell as my bridge actor. Wonderful. Oof. We're... And just so you know, this has already gone a direction that I don't have on my backboard. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Did you not? You weren't going to do this one?

[00:24:39] I didn't think that you were going to go Big Trouble. Mm-hmm. I thought, that's too obvious. And so I kind of went a different direction. But I love this movie. I've seen probably Once Upon a Time in Hollywood ten times or more. That's wild. I want to see it twice. I love it. It's... Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. Some people do not like this movie.

[00:25:09] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Some people do not. Oof. How self-indulgent do I want to be? Just so you know, this was not my strategy. And let me tell you what my strategy was going to be.

[00:25:31] I thought, if I can push you toward the 70s with a few movies, then you would kind of be in a corner as to which actors would get you out of the 70s. Right. And then I'd be able to predict what you would do next. But I just blew this up. I went with my heart. I saw this movie and I thought, well, how could I not choose this movie? All right. So we are now going to do Buffy the Vampire Slayer starring Luke Perry.

[00:26:01] I've not seen that movie. I have never seen it. Okay. Okay. And now I'm looking at the cast. Completely departed from my research at this point. All right. So is all your research for not at this point? I'm hoping that we'll become valuable on our way back to bacon. Got it. All right. I'm going to have to. There's some really fun options in here, man.

[00:26:31] Starring Donald Sutherland? Oh. Oh. Oh. Affleck is in this movie uncredited. Hmm. Seth Green is a vampire in this movie uncredited. Steven Root is going to be my bridge actor. That was my prediction. Really? Yeah. What did you predict I would bridge to?

[00:27:00] My prediction for your bridge was No Country for Old Men. That is correct. Is that right? Yep. No Country for Old Men. Steven Root is a very small actor in that. I love that movie so much. Which, again, that's one I rewatch, not often, but on occasion, maybe once a year.

[00:27:27] And can't wait to cover it on Properly Howard. I almost took Eye of the Needle with Donald Sutherland. I mean, at one point I'm like, you know, Donald Sutherland gives you a clear path to the 70s. I did look at the cast and I thought, I don't know how we get back to bacon with this cast. Oh, gotcha.

[00:27:54] So, anyway, I'm happy with my choice, for sure. Okay, let's see here. No, I won't do that. Even I will show a little restraint. Not a lot. We got four movies now? Yeah, we have four non-bacon specific movies.

[00:28:21] So, at what point do you start thinking... Making the way back? Yeah, creating a path back to bacon. I kind of feel like... I feel like he's bacon, the path is there. Uh-huh. I feel like we don't have to overthink that. Let's see here. So, you're looking for best movie available? In my opinion, sure. Makes for a good pod, too. You know, I think it's important. Ooh.

[00:28:50] Oh, that would... That could get us there really quick, but we're still trying to get, I think, a minimum of six. Uh, yes. We want eight total movies at minimum. Because, I mean, I could... Because I could bacon right now. Yeah, well, you... Hey, you could bacon right now. And that would give us more bacon in the season. Yeah, but I don't think I want to watch this movie. Oh. Uh... Go with Tommy Lee.

[00:29:20] Uh, Tommy Lee, the musician, or Tommy Lee Jones? Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones. Any guesses where I'm going to go? Um... Yeah. Batman Forever? No. That's a very, uh... Um... It's a very good guess given to me, but I started watching it the other day and I had to stop it. I really underestimated just how unfortunate that movie is on the eyeballs. Uh...

[00:29:50] No. So we're not doing Batman Forever. Uh... I'm actually actively trying to decide where I want to go. Because there's two... Two that are... Oh, no. There's three, actually. Oh. All right. So it really doesn't affect what will happen next. Because I've got no say in what you choose. But for the listeners... Mm-hmm. What are the three that you're choosing from? I am choosing between, uh, The Fugitive. Yeah.

[00:30:20] Um... Under Siege. Mm-hmm. And Blown Away. Mm-hmm. I feel like we saw Blown Away together, but I might be wrong. I don't... I don't know why I connect that movie with you. But it very well could be we saw it together. Have you seen... Have you seen all three of those? Yes. Under Siege probably gives us... Limits you a little bit. Probably in terms of, uh... You know, uh... Breath of Cast.

[00:30:54] Yeah, we're gonna... We're the fugitive. The fugitive. Oh, God. This is gonna be a fantastic season. This season feels like it's leaning more toward my interests. I think so. I mean... Under Siege, I think, would have probably veered more towards me. But, uh... Again, it's a lot of, like, character actions, which are great. But, like, it might force your Busey hand. Mm-hmm. I would have had to go on Busey.

[00:31:23] And then, uh... Whereas Blown Away is not particularly good. But I have, like, a weird soft spot for it. Um... And I knew you would have picked, uh... Radio right after, because Cuba Goodman Jr. So... All right. So we are now in... We are now in a zone where this could be our last non-Kevin Bacon movie, uh... Based on the... Yeah, I should... Eight.

[00:31:50] I should absolutely be thinking about getting back to Bacon. At this point... Now, I can avoid it if I like to do more movies. Yeah, that's right. You know, that's... You can definitely sabotage this and keep this going indefinitely. Mm-hmm. I'm really tempted to do Big Lebowski using Julianne Moore as my bridge actor. I know which actor I would pick. Oh, tell me. I'm curious. I would, uh... For sure go with Jane Lynch.

[00:32:19] And that would allow you to get to Guest? Could allow me to get to Guest. Um... I mean, if I'm... If I'm thinking Bacon, specifically, maybe... Maybe not as much. But if I'm thinking of, like, ooh, this would be a fun... Some fun options. You know what? I mean, Harrison Ford is right there. He certainly is. And I feel like...

[00:32:49] I mean, that would definitely allow us to cover Red Hulk in Captain America Brave New World. You could also do What Lies Beneath. Mm-hmm. I know what movie... I'm actually surprised. I figured the movie I know for sure you'd want if you were going to take it. Okay, I'm going to make my selection, and then you tell me what you thought I was going to do. Okay. I'm going to go Harrison Ford in Witness. That's exactly what I knew you were going to do.

[00:33:19] Because I've tried to take it a few times. You've tried with your Witness agenda. It's a great movie. Again, it's a movie that I know my mom liked, and it's so rare. It's so rare that a movie that my mom liked also was something that I would be like, oh, yeah, let's watch that. This is a crazy movie. The tone shifts so dramatically.

[00:33:46] If you just watched the first 10 minutes of Witness, you would think this is a really goofy 80 cop movie set in sort of a caricature of New York City. And it's not that at all. It turns into something entirely different. I was kind of hoping we'd revisit Mosquito Coast. Oh. You know what? I've never seen Mosquito Coast. I remember seeing the cover art at the video rental place many, many times.

[00:34:16] So I've selected Witness with my bridge actor as Harrison Ford. Not doing Felonies and Fugazes, and yet we have quite a few crime dramas so far. This is true. This is very much headed right into your sweet spots here. So I'm assuming you're now looking at the cast of Witness. That is correct.

[00:34:44] There's some interesting options here. Viggo Mortensen's here. Danny Glover's here. Yeah, I just watched the movie I was considering recently, so I'm not sure. It could be an interesting conversation. Now, at this point, I'm thinking, gotta get back to bacon. That's gonna be my top priority. That's your priority is getting back to bacon at this point. And I did think that this movie puts us in the right time frame.

[00:35:15] Oh yeah. For peak bacon. When is peak bacon? I like to think we're still in it. I did quite enjoy this most recent Amazon series, The Bondsman. But I wouldn't consider it this peak bacon. Gotcha. It's hard to beat Footloose, you know. True. I think from Footloose until Apollo 13 is sort of where I measure.

[00:35:44] I mean, he becomes a very important character actor and kind of loses the leading man role. Like, I don't know if he's done a pedophile movie yet. But once he started doing these pedophiles. I'd hate to find out that when he sees that as his peak is when he was typecast. It'd be interesting to know. Okay, so you started doing pedophile movies and then you just didn't stop.

[00:36:13] Can you explain this? There were just no more juicy pedophile roles to choose from. I have three actors that I'm honing in on. Each one with a specific movie. One would be an absolute, oh my gosh, this is just an Anthony-centric season. This is a tough one. I think for the sake of the...

[00:36:40] Man, this is really a felony and fugazi-centric if I do this. For the good of the listeners, I'll go ahead and tell you where I'm at with these three. Three different actors, three different movies. One is Danny Glover in The Royal Tenenbaums. Oh, I love this so much. Other is Lucas Haas in A Leap of Faith. Interesting. And the other one is Viggo Mortensen, Carlito's Way. Oh, yeah. Those are some very different movies. I mean, one of those movies is in my top ten. Right.

[00:37:11] So, if you go Royal Tenenbaums, I'm going to be pretty happy. I feel like either the other two are... It's hard to go wrong with any of these. Yeah, I feel like these are solid choice. I'm going to go with Carlito's Way. I love Royal Tenenbaums and I feel like we should save that for another time. We're already talking about a movie. We're talking about movies that are in your top. Like, I feel like maybe a little more... Maybe pull back and get a little more objectivity perhaps out of you. Right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[00:37:41] Yeah. It's just a gush fest, you know. Okay. And plus, this has one of my all-time... I probably quote Viggo Mortensen from this movie almost weekly. Much to your wife's chagrin. Yes. Even she will quote that. Mm-hmm. No, I've heard her quote it. I've heard her quote it too, yeah. It's an interesting experience. I'll be having drinks at the Osborne house. There'll be six dogs running around.

[00:38:09] And Heather will be telling me that she can't hump. Usually on behalf of one of the dogs. I'm like, hey, I'm glad that you feel close enough to reveal that to me. We saw this together for sure. Carlito's Way? Yeah. No. No, we haven't. We never did. No. We saw this in the theater, bro. For sure. Right? No?

[00:38:36] I think the answer is no, because I remember you quoting this pretty often to me. And me thinking, like, that sounds like a movie I'll never watch. Oh, geez. I will say this. I will say it's an interesting flick, but man, Sean Penn is incredible in this movie. This is back when Pacino wasn't really a caricature of himself yet.

[00:39:05] You know what? He kind of is becoming a caricature of himself. It's sort of a bridge. It's a bridge between, like, early Pacino and... That's fair. ...brain broke Pacino. Right. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. All right. So how do I get back to bacon from this?

[00:39:26] I'm just surveying the available options to see if I recognize any of these actors in a bacon movie. Well, keep in mind, you have to get the flatliners. Oh, I've got to get the flatliners. So I should be looking at flatliners for sure. Okay. That's a good point. I mean, you can get to another bacon, but... Oddly, I think that it is not possible to go from this movie.

[00:39:56] Just get a one for him. Yeah. There's so many John Leguizamo movies that I could pin on you right now. Oh, man. Yeah, I knew I was a... It was risky. A little bit risky for you. You could just pick Super Mario Brothers and call it good. Man, why are none of these actors on my big board?

[00:40:27] I'm kind of curious about Luis Guzman here. Kind of curious about Luis Guzman. Oh. I could get to bacon. You can? But you can't get to... I can't get to flatliners. But it would put us... It would put us in the right era. You're just going to do Carlito's Way, Rise to Power, the sequel that nobody ever saw.

[00:40:57] Until you mentioned it just now, I had no idea. You could for sure take us one away. I can see that right now with Luis Guzman. I mean, geez, this guy's in everything. I mean, he's... What an amazing career. I mean, he's in Crocodile Dundee, too. Right. Arguably a top two Crocodile Dundee film.

[00:41:28] Luis Guzman makes me so happy. I want to cover all these movies. You could have Steven Rooted your way to Crocodile Dundee, too. That's true. Holy smokes. You'd pick Crocodile Dundee, too, and I'd have to take Steve Rackman, who played Donk. All right. This is not going to help us, but I feel like I really want to...

[00:41:57] I'm really curious about this next movie. Especially... I think you and I covering this next movie will be interesting. Pluto Nash. So, I'm going to use Luis Guzman as my bridge actor, and I'm going to select Punch Drunk Love. That was kind of what I was thinking was going to happen. Now, this is one of my all-time picks. I love this movie. I've watched it recently.

[00:42:28] It's sort of... If you think of the canon of Paul Thomas Anderson, it's not ever going to be a movie that's mentioned in the top five. But it might be in my top three. Hmm. Hmm. And... I think I might feel the same way. And I think it might be one of his more rewatchable films. Agreed. Because I've watched it a bunch. All right.

[00:42:56] So, this gives you a few options. You know, famously Adam Sandler, Emily Watson, Philip Seymour Hoffman. I don't know who else here might tempt your tummy. Yeah. Philip Seymour Hoffman is another one of these guys that... Yeah, because I know you want to watch Twister. How many... Okay. Let's do a quick rundown here.

[00:43:26] What is our list so far? She's Having a Baby, followed by Big Trouble in Little China, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, No Country for Old Men, The Fugitive, Witness, Carlito's Way, and Punch Drunk Love. I've loved this season. Yeah, this is a great season. I feel like I've got to screw it up a little. Okay.

[00:43:53] It kind of feels important to me that... Well, it wouldn't be properly Howard if we weren't covering at least one movie that no one's heard of that they probably won't enjoy watching. Right. Yeah. Which opens up like every Adam Sandler movie. You're going to force Hubie Halloween on me? I mean, it is right there. And at the rate we're going, will it be Halloween by the time we're done with this season?

[00:44:23] I bet you we could come up with a cast of Happy Gilmore 2. I bet you that they've already posted most of the actors on that. That's true. Yeah, when does that come out? Would we be in the right time frame for that? I think. I'm kind of curious about this now. Happy Gilmore 2. Bad Bunny. Kid Cutty.

[00:44:53] Yeah, you would have access to Ben Stiller. Lee Trevino. Oh, okay. This comes out in July. That feels like that's pushing it. Yeah, that might be pushing it. I should be studying Flatliners. I'm such an idiot. I'm like, oh, Luis Guzman was in it. I love him. Hey, I wonder what he was going backwards. I'm going to watch Carly was away again.

[00:45:23] So tempted to make you watch Mission Impossible 3. Ugh. Glad I have control of Philip Seymour Hoffman so you don't make me watch Patch Adams. I thought about it. Oof. Oof, man. I hate me some Patch Adams. It's definitely not my favorite, but the fact that I know that you hate it so much. I got another opportunity at it, so I'm going to do it.

[00:45:53] We're going to do Leap of Faith. Philip Seymour Hoffman. Okay. I think that we are nearing an end. Because I feel like Leap of Faith was on my big board here. I've only ever seen this once, and I was very young. You're probably conflicted about it. You know what? It is a little close to home. You know, I've got kind of a complicated relationship with Faith Healers.

[00:46:20] But how could you not love a Steve Martin movie with Deborah Winger and Liam Neeson? Meatloaf? Right. Meatloaf. Meatloaf. Yeah. Yeah. And MC Ganey. Come on. Forget about it. You could MC Ganey. Right off the top of my head, I think you can. I wonder if you can MC Ganey. That's the Flatliners quick. So I cannot use Philip Seymour Hoffman to bridge out of here.

[00:46:48] MC Ganey was in Starman, if that helps. And if you want to go back and watch Witness a second time, you can use Lucas Hock. All right. I'm going to use Steve Martin as my bridge. I'm going to go Trains, Planes, and Automobiles. Which is a movie with Kevin Bacon. Right. Does not complete the season yet. But I think we're close. So this is something I think we should have talked about.

[00:47:18] Did we say you can't bake into himself? Well, what we decided was that you can't use a bridge actor to get out of a movie that you got into with that bridge actor. Right. But I also thought I said you can't bake into bacon. Well, you did say that. You did say that. I suggested that we simplify the rule to what I just said. Right. So I think that.

[00:47:47] I was still operating under the notion that I can't go, oh, well, there's bacon. So let's just bake into bacon. I think that what we set up at the beginning was that you do have the ability to bake into bacon if you don't do it twice in a row. Okay. Well, I'm going to opt not to bacon. Oh, come on, man. It's right there. I'm not baking into bacon. It's just like that's the rule that I'm going with because that's the rule that I felt was important to me.

[00:48:13] Because to say that, like, hey, guys, bacon was also in a bacon movie sort of defies the whole degrees of bacon notion. That's what I was advocating for is to say just because you could say, oh, well, yeah, I said because that creates the infinite bacon theorem. All right. Do you want to rethink your answer knowing that I can't bake into bacon? No, I'm good. You sure? Yeah. Okay, because I can do this forever. I know. I know you can. And you might.

[00:48:46] And eventually I'll have to watch radio. We're getting there. Okay. This whole thing is just a long con to get you back to radio. So I can use bacon. But in my world, I can't bake it too much. Come on, man. You're just toying with me at this point.

[00:49:09] So the noble thing for me to do would be to put you in a flat liner, an easy flat liner sitch. Yeah, that would be really nice. That would be great. However, I could put you in a spot where you would have to bake into bacon, but then you'd have to question whether or not you can do that. Because of my bacon, my no bacon to bacon president.

[00:49:37] Oh, who was in hot to trot? Oh, geez. It was Dabney Coleman in Hot to Trot? You betcha. He had a fake book. And Bobcat Goldthwait. Yeah, Bobcat Goldthwait. John Candy is the voice of the horse named Don. Oh, my God. That would be just... I'm actually trying to help you out here.

[00:50:08] You're lucky. You're lucky that there is no one, obviously, from Hot to Trot that's also in flat liner. Was Gilbert Gottfried in there? No, I guess not. What a shame. What a shame that we missed out on that. John Candy was in Hercules in New York? Famously. Doesn't sound helpful for you, but... I think you won an Oscar for it. I can't do Splash.

[00:50:36] We cannot do Splash because it is a Ron Howard film. Who's harmed and dangerous this road? Oh, Speed Zone. The unofficial Cannonball Run 3. Can I get you to Flatliners in one move? I mean, probably. I feel like that's less of a priority. Clearly. Clearly it is. Because you're like, I know of one guy. For sure.

[00:51:07] That was in it. I chose it specifically for that purpose. Hmm. Let's see. What movies were John Randolph Jones, the cab dispatcher in Planes, Transmobiles in? Ron Baker. Oh, I like Dylan Baker. He was in Planes, Transmobiles. Dylan Baker would be a help. Do you have him on your big board?

[00:51:37] I do. Wow. You really do, huh? So are we on your big board? Yes. Because you're big boarded with Planes, Transmobiles. For sure. Yeah, we are. So I feel like we're getting close. But you would have to choose the correct Dylan Baker. Gotcha. And did you already have Short Circuit 2 on your big board? I had the first Short Circuit because I knew that Ally Sheedy might be a choice after.

[00:52:01] In fact, I thought Short Circuit was going to be your choice because I know you did it for Big Flick Energy. And as soon as I chose She's Having a Baby, I thought, you know what? Big Trouble with Little China is too obvious. And I think he'll think I will enjoy it. So I bet you he's going to go Short Circuit. But I'm very happy you did not. You can do it now, though.

[00:52:31] I certainly could. How did I even get to where I'm at right now? Am I playing my own game with you? Who did I choose? Well, I took... Oh, Michael McKean. Oh, yeah. I know what we're doing. I took transplants and automobiles. Now you're considering using McKean as your bridge. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm going to guess what... You tell me what you're going to do and then I'll tell you what I... No, I want you to guess. There's no way you're going to guess. I was going to say best in show.

[00:53:01] No, we're doing memoirs of an invisible man. Oh, gosh. I've never even heard of this. This started so... I want you to know this started very promising. I just finagled a second John Carpenter movie in this season. Oh, baby. Yeah. I tell you what. I did not have this. There's no way you could have had this on here before. No. Okay. So, Daryl Hannah, huh? Yeah.

[00:53:30] Chevy Chase? Yeah. I can't believe you... Steven Dobolowski. I can't believe you chose a Chevy Chase movie. John Carpenter. I've seen this movie once in my whole life. Mm-hmm. I remember Entertainment Tonight and MTV really pushing this. and, uh... It's not good. But, I feel like with a fresh set of eyes, it might be. How many movies do we have so far? Twelve.

[00:54:00] I don't know if you can get to Flatliners. I know. It's impossible. But I do have one of the actors in this movie on my big board. Okay. So, let's... I will do everything in my power to get to Flatliners. It's... Soon. Real soon. Okay. I think that this might work. I'm gonna use Steven Dobolowski as my bridge actor. Okay.

[00:54:29] And I'm gonna go to Groundhog's Day. Which is in my top ten favorite movies. And you think I can get to Flatliners with this? Oh. Yes. I can. You're right. Okay. Yeah. All right. Let's see if we have the same... Pat, I would really rather... Oh, come on, man. You said you would like to be in Steven. You said you don't like to. I'll help you out. Sure. So, I feel like there's two movies that you are going to enjoy seeing, but you might not have necessarily picked them for the podcast

[00:54:58] other than to try to get us to complete the journey. So, Angela Patton. Okay. So, then that gets us to Flatliners. And there we are. Yeah. I was not expecting... I was expecting this to get there by Kiefer or Julia Roberts or Oliver Platt. Right.

[00:55:24] You did not have Angela Patton as the reason we would get there. Go ahead and let's hear the list. All right. So, our first film is obviously... It's Bacon. So, she's having a baby. And then, because Al Young plays a photographer in She's Having a Baby, and he's also in Big Trouble in Little China. We go in Big Trouble in Little China.

[00:55:53] Big Trouble in Little China, by virtue of Kurt Russell, begets Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Yeah. And that was the moment where I thought, I didn't think I was going to be able to cover this. And I think I'm going to go with my heart over my head. I'm going to leave the big board. And I'm just going to take this movie that I didn't even consider a possibility before. And we kind of went off the rails.

[00:56:22] You dig it off the rails, and then you try to re-rail us. Mm-hmm. You tried very hard. I thought it was re-railing us with transplants and automobiles. Right. But you have to understand how this... All right. Continue. And then, so, in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you chose Steven Root, and you took us to No Country for Old Man. Another hard overhead choice, for sure. Yeah. And then I took Tommy Lee Jones and went with The Fugitive.

[00:56:53] Thank you for not choosing Batman Forever, by the way. Ugh. Then you chose Harrison Ford and brought us to Witness. Witness, and Witness gave me some Viggo Mortensen. And that took us to Carlito's Way. I thought you were going to choose Danny Glover at that point. That was my guess. Yeah, Danny Glover was certainly an option. Because I know that Grand Canyon is one of your favorite movies of all time. Of course.

[00:57:23] And then you took Luis Guzman from Carlito's Way and brought us to Punch Drunk Love. Punch Drunk Love gave me Philip Seymour Hoffman, which took me to Leap of Faith, which was an original possibility. You took Steve Martin to take us to planes, trains, and automobiles with the expressed intent that I would take Kevin Bacon and Bacon to Bacon, which I've already indicated was not something I was interested in doing. So I took Michael McKean, and I introduced Anthony to Memoirs of an Invisible Man. It's funny. I had McKean on the big board. I had Best in Show. And I had Transplants and Automobiles.

[00:57:52] Yes. So then Memoirs of an Invisible Man gave you Stephen Tobolowsky, and you went with Groundhog Day. And Groundhog Day, of course, has Angela Patton in it, who is doctor number two in Flatliner. Okay. I'd watch this movie starring these actors, by the way. But I'm very impressed with what we were able to accomplish here. Because, you know, some of these movies I'm not interested in.

[00:58:20] But by and large, I feel like this is a great lineup of movies. Yeah. Did you pick any you're not interested in? I mean, Leap of Faith would probably not be one I would revisit on my own. Invisible Man? Memoirs of an Invisible Man. Definitely not something I would ever choose. Otherwise, I'm pretty happy with this.

[00:58:49] So we do get a little extra dollop of bacon. We get the... Yeah, that made me happy. All righty. I'm going to suggest, Steve, that we watch these in the order that we select. In the order in which they've been chosen. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah. That way, you know, everyone kind of knows the lineup. You know, we've got a natural bridge character in between every movie. Yeah. Because I think it was a pretty fun exercise.

[00:59:19] Have you ever seen Flatliners? Never. It is... A little horror vibe, too. Yeah, it is a movie that I had thought about covering back when we were doing Cocoons of Horror. So here was my strategy going into this. I was going to try... I was going to choose... She's having a baby. And I thought you would either choose Gleason to get to Die Hard.

[00:59:49] I thought he's going to do that. And what I'm going to do... I thought about Gleason for sure. Right. So Gleason to Die Hard, I thought if he does that, I'm going to choose The Verdict. And I'm going to use Bruce Willis because he's an extra in The Verdict. Is that right? Yeah. And I was really excited about getting you to The Verdict. And then I thought, you know what? I bet you he's going to choose Ally Sheedy in Short Circuit.

[01:00:19] And then I said, okay, if he does that, I'm going to go from Gutenberg to Diner and get me a little bit more Kevin Bacon. So Diner was definitely an effort. You were efforting that. I was... Yeah, I was thinking that would be a way to push you back in time a little bit. And corner you into limiting your options. I'd have probably Paul Reiser'd you to Beverly Hills. Yeah, no, I considered that as well. I considered that.

[01:00:47] Now, I thought if you had the opportunity to go first, you'd probably go Footloose. And if you had done that, I would have chosen Lithgow in 2010, the year we made contact. That did not happen. And then I was hoping from that, you would choose Bob Balaban to try to get either to Guffman or Best in Show. Yeah. And then I thought if you do that, I'll go Larry Miller, L.A. Story.

[01:01:17] And then we can get back to Bacon from there. Clearly, all of my research was almost worthless. Here's a little blurb about Memoirs of an Invisible Man. John, a little sneak peek for you and for the listeners, since we've got some time before we actually watch this. John Carpenter, the director, in 2023 said of his experience.

[01:01:49] It gave me a chance to make a quasi-serious movie. But Chevy Chase, Sam Neill, who I love and had a long time friendship with, and Warner Brothers. I worked for them. And it was pleasant. No, it wasn't pleasant at all. I'm lying to you. It was a horror show. I really wanted to quit the business after that movie. God, I don't want to talk about why. But let's just say there were personalities on that film.

[01:02:18] He shall not be named who needs to be killed. No, no, no. That's terrible. He needs to be set on fire. No, no, no. Anyway, it's all fine. I survived it. You gotta be talking about Chevy Chase, right? Gotta be, right? There's no one that gets people that primal. Right? More than Chevy Chase. He's just a nightmare.

[01:02:47] I cannot wait to talk about this. Ha ha ha ha ha!